NetSujit World

Alright, first of all really sorry for bringing in such a big gap in my postings and writings. I got completely involved into my professional life. Someone has said the right thing… youth life is where a boy looses himself the most and it’s also the time where he find himself in the best way.

If someone has to define me, there would be two set of replies you’ll be getting. The first set would be something like I am too kiddish, never taking the situation seriously, careless, enjoying the moment, roaming around here and there with strangers, friends and foes, wasting time and money, fooling around, always cracking idiotic jokes, too dramatic, easy going, etc etc.

The other set would sound like I am too serious about my intentions, responsible, reserved, organized, matured, caring for others, keeping my words tight, philosophical, strict with my principles, etc etc. Now if you ask me to define myself, I really don’t know which set of replies would fit me more aptly. I was recently forced to pressurize my thought upon it after measuring my conversational talent in two different situations.

Being at my present work place, most of the things that i communicate includes like ordering things, speaking out the possibilities of co-workers’ queries and requests, yes and no, why it is done and why it is not done and so on. In short the communications are too short and limited. And unfortunately, this part of my life covers 10 hrs in a day. From the rest, 5 hours i sleep and the rest goes in your personal daily activities, tv watching, etc etc. Moral of the story: I had completely forgotten how i used to speak, what i used to speak, what were my expressions, body language, etc. My days had become too artificial and compromising enough to let be myself within a span of 24hrs.

Recently, i found one of my close college buddy online on one Facebook. And it had been long since we talked with each other. Almost couple of years. And I am sure you might be knowing how awkward it is to start a conversation and keeping it alive when you meet someone from your past after a gap of time. But to my surprise, it didn’t turn out to be so this time. Unfortunately, I cannot name her here because she wouldn’t like it.

Alright, to describe her… she is a gal whom i respect from the bottom of my heart for her innocence, versatility, her way of living life, etc etc. But then, she is someone who is completely opposite to me. If she is North Pole then I am a small crater in Jupiter. If she wants to have ice-creams, I want to steal gasoline from a fighter jet plane. There’s no match between our thoughts. But somehow, i don’t know how, we used to get along. May be i think we both are open to new ideas and thought and respect the opposite person’s identity.

So, as i was saying, it’s bit awkward to talk with someone from your past after a gap of time. But when I was talking with this lady, it wasn’t the case so, at least not with me. Obviously, the conversation started with “hi and hellos” and went on. The beginning was slow for me but then her responses made me comfortable. Suddenly, we were talking all utter non-sense and useless things and were doing useless mastis which normally friends do. Of course, there were several instances where i wanted to talk something and she didn’t want to and viz-a-viz but there were very less moment of dead airs. Either I was too good to bring in new topics or she was good enough to follow a topic. If mine is known as ‘the conversational talent’ so her can be named as ‘the talent of conversational continuity’. Whatever it is, the conclusion was that i had a good time talking with her. I am not a big fan of online chating but i think we talked for couple of hours… which is not a usual thing for me.

After having talk with her, I felt that I got a chance to be myself as I was before couple of years; being stupid, not thinking twice before you speak, speaking out idiotic and senseless jokes and all other non-related things. Somewhere down the line, i was feeling that I am liberated, i am getting a break from my usual life of  artificiality. I was feeling that the old Sujit was coming back. It seemed that the talent of conversation which I had lost over the years was rising back in me. I was happy, and I continued pondering my thoughts upon this in my living room, with the television on,  and suddenly the doorbell rang. I got up, opened the door without knowing that I would be loosing the ‘old sujit’ soon once again. The twist in my story were standing just outside my door.

It was a Saturday. I got up late as usual, because i slept late after chatting with this versatile lady and few other late night jobs and activities. In the morning, while I was sleeping on the sofa, with the tv on, my mom came, started yelling and woke me up. I was half dead and she was talking to me. I didn’t listen to her carefully. All what i heard was that they are going somewhere and will be returning back afternoon. After hearing that I slept again. After couple of hours I got up again. I mean, my eyes were wide open but still i was lying on the sofa, the tv was still on. And i had no intentions of getting up, straightening my body and getting freshened up.

I saw that some malayalam channel was going on in tv. I think my parents might have changed the channel. I was too lazy to get up, take the remote which was lying miles away from the reach of my hand, and change the channel. So I called up my mom. I shouted her name atleast 100 times inside those 4 lonely walls but there was no response. And suddenly i realized she had mentioned that they are going out and would be returning back late. I discovered i was home alone and had to make my coffee myself, take care of the house, answer all the incomings on my landline phone, etc. But i was too lazy to do all these things, after all i had a tiring previous night at my work place. I decided to continue lie down on the sofa and enjoy my lonely time with no one to disturb. The TV was still on with some non-sense malyalam pop song going on. I started thinking why i got up late and started recollecting what all i did previous day and what i have to do today. While i was exploring my memories, I recollected that last nite i had a talk with that lady. And continued my thoughts upon it and realized my old ‘conversational talent’ coming back to me. I was happy for that… and a smile appeared on my face. And as i mentioned earlier, suddenly the door bell rang.

With the sound of door bell, my thought of re-discovering myself were paused. I realized the TV is still on and now malayalam news is going on in the channel. I got up, opened the door and there was this family friend of ours standing outside with her two kids. Her husband wasn’t there. Knowing that I am alone, I decided that i have to take care of the situation and wanted to make them feel very welcoming just how my parents do for any guests who visits us. I welcomed them in and informed them that my mom dad have gone out and would be returning back later afternoon. In the background of my brain, I was just hoping them to return back and leave me alone. But to my surprise, they came in and sat down. One of the kid jumped over the remote and changed the channel to some cartoon category. The other elder kid took the laptop and started surfing the net. It was as if the kids were planning since years to visit my place and watch the cartoon and get into the online world, they were dieing for it. I ignored this unusual piece of event.

I went into the kitchen to get some water for everyone. While pouring water, i started pondering my thoughts again. This aunt was well acquainted to me. She, along with her husband, were a frequent visitor at my place. I used to be very friendly with them. It was just that I didn’t meet them since many years, being in Mumbai and then getting involved into my professional life. Again, the situation of meeting someone from your past after a gap of time, had arrived for me.

But moments before, I was happy for discovering the old sujit within me. I thought it would be a piece of cake for spending time with this aunt and kids. I took the glasses and offered them water and was waiting for them to finish off with their drinking so that i can start my way of conversing with them. I started, and as usual, beginnings are always slow. But i was confident enough that my conversation will be picking up the pace soon. I called up my mother, informed her that this aunt is here and waiting for them. My mom informed that they’ll be reaching back within 15 minutes.

I thought keeping the guests entertained for 15 minutes would be an easy task for me…. But then, as usual, nothing goes straight in my life. Keeping the talks alive seemed to be the most difficult task at that time. Suddenly, i discovered there were so many gaps, pauses, dead airs in the conversation within the last 4 minutes. Not so many, but there were only and only dead airs. It seemed as if a galaxy of dead air is swallowing me up. I was feeling so so so so uncomfortable being silent subject there with three other people in the living room expecting me to keep the moment alive. The younger kid was glued to the cartoons and the elder one was still into the laptop. The aunt and me were just staring each other being silent and waiting for that 15 minutes to pass away. It was very awkward and hard to describe.

I was disappointed. Disappointed for losing the old sujit once again. My parents came. I was so happy and relieved that now i don’t have to face the situation. I noticed similar expressions on that aunt’s face too. Being sad, i went upstairs to my room and switched on my desktop. And once again I found the same lady online, with whom i chatted last night. I started talking with her, and again i was discovering the old sujit back in me. I was confused, what was this happening. It was something different. It was like a secret switch to on and off the conversational talent within me. Just to test myself, I went down and tried talking with that aunt again. But it was not working. The switch went off again… the same awkward situation of both the parties being silent was coming up again and again.

And this is when I learned… that this is what I am., this is how I am. I am different with different people, yet being myself and without being artificial. When I am with my friends, I tend to be more stupid, carefree and easy going, enjoying the moment kind of person. And when I am with elders, I tend to be more responsible, choosy, organized, matured kind of person. Both the sets are an integral part of me. It’s just about who allows me to be what in their presence.

<tinypass price=”1.99″ access=”3 days”/> So whenever, if someone asks me to define myself next time, my reply to them would be the mixture of both the sets.

People around you help you to be the best and to explore the best within you. I just want to thank all my close friends who have always helped me to bring the best from out of me and at the same time I also want to thank all my elders who have helped me to keep the best within me.